I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize