Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
