legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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