I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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