I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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