she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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