I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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