my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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