it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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