were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
