this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
