so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
