And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
