He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
