Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
