I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
