tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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