Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im holly from the hills drunk
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
