well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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