genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
