Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
