he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize