I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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