if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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