I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize