Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
