Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Brb crying the tears of my youth
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
