Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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