I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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