Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
