I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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