someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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