I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
