I bet he comes in French.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
