oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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