I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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