I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
