i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
