I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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