Where is the hickey?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
