So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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