Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
