i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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