I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
