He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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