An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
