Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
