And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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