Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
