Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
