Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
jump out the window naked night went bad
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
