I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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