Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
