I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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