Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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