im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
