Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
