Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
