Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
