You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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